To hell and back.

Before reading these lines I have a request. If you know me, personally – you have no permission to read on. Apologies but this is my choice, few of you know me well enough or have what I would perceive as the right, to read these lines. Though there are a couple of exceptions to whom I share my life and of course may read on. If you do not know me – this is for you unquestionably, as my intention is to use this to serve others, I can only hope it does. 

 

Let me be very clear, to write this sickens me. To the pit of my stomach, it turns and churns at writing these words. Though it would be easier to go on and never had spoken them, well maybe it’s time to move past that, man up and be as transparent as I had intended.

I intend to share here what the hellish history I had that led me to today. Well at least in brief. I do not look for a sympathetic sigh, nor for words of wisdom, frankly I do not need them. I have passed through it all to arrive where I am today god knows how much stronger than I began. I would change nothing of my history bar one detail. I would provide my younger self with an individual had experienced the pain and survived, just to serve as evidence that it was possible. A rather cliché ‘light at the end of the tunnel’.

Now to detail them would still be too much for me I am afraid but just to list seems appropriately distant from the harshness to be able to share with you…whoever you are. So in essence – (please no judging this is a very different me, a younger, lost, manically depressed me, who the world will never see again). From eating disorders of multiple origins, to severe bullying of both verbal and physical (severe is appropriate), to harming (my hands are shaking at this) of myself in order to distant from a reality, body dismorphia and manic depressions following the self image I created. I suffered depressions that meant me attempting to escape my reality, convincing my younger self there was no light left me very much alone in the world, thoughts were never shared leading to spiralling despair. I experienced my own personal hell, a pain I never thought would benefit me. 

Okay i’m sorry i thought I could go through it all but that will have to do. Regardless the point may have been made. 

If you are in that reality, if you experience pain I can make you 2 very real promises.

1 – That reality is not THE reality, it does end, it does pass leading to such a brighter world for having suffered it. 

2 – I am likely to have experienced it and trust me when I say there is no pain the world may cause you that you cannot survive and in some way, prosper from. 

The world is a sickening teacher, the lessons you may learn will not be kindly taught, but they need be learned. 

That’s enough for today. 

 

Aspire to inspire. 

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